Saturday, February 3, 2018

my life

I was looking up a colleague on Google and found an entry for her on MYLIFE.  I wondered if it was accurate and authorized, so I typed my name into Mylife

This is my life according to Mylife

Alan Zaremba is 68 years old and was born on 10/22/1949. Currently, he lives in Waltham, MA; and previously lived in Brookline, MA and Hull, MA. Sometimes Alan goes by various nicknames including Alan J Zaremba. He currently works as a professor at Northeastern University. His ethnicity is Caucasian, whose political affiliation is currently a registered Democrat Party; and religious views are listed as Christian. Alan is now single. Other family members and associates include Robert Zaremba, Meyer Zaremba, Helen Zaremba, Helen Zaremba, and Donna Zaremba. He has a reported annual income of 70,000 to 79,999 and a current net worth of 100,000 to 249,999.

Very interesting. My nickname is apparently Alan J Zaremba. What a clever nickname for a fellow named Alan Zaremba whose middle name is Jay. All my buddies call me Alan J Zaremba when we are hanging out drinking beer.  Also very interesting, I am a Christian.  It is listed apparently somewhere.  My mother, dead now nearly five years, just did a somersault in her casket and is scrambling to remove the lid.. Uh, not accurate. Yid here.  I am single, eh? This will come as big news to several people including the woman who is now downstairs reading the newspaper. I have, it seems, associates. My brother. My dead father. My mother still plotzing to read of my religious affiliation. Apparently there are two Helen Zarembas as associates. This will be startling news to individuals familiar with my background. And there is a Donna Zaremba. I will have to inform her that I am both single, and that she has changed her name. My employers will be delighted to hear of my income. Alas my creditors will not.  My current net worth--hmmm.  Well, I am not loaded and I know the stock market took a dive yesterday, but still--uh--not accurate.

However, Mylife does have my birthday right and I did live in Brookline and Hull and I do tend to vote Democratic and I do work at Northeastern. Wow, what sleuths.

Do yourself a favor. Check out your life on Mylife. Then call your mother.

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