Sunday, November 3, 2019


I had a nightmare last night. This is very much an aberration for me.  I almost never have such dreams and, while it is self congratulatory, I attribute this to the fact that I tend not to manufacture and then submerge shit into my subconscious.  I tend, I believe--again I know this is self congratulatory--not to do stuff that I can't live with unless I ram it into my subconscious such that it pops up in the middle of the night.  So, typically, I do not have unpleasant things surfacing and sleep pretty much straight through.  Even when I wake to stumble to the bathroom, I come back and am asleep in no time when I return.

But last night I had a nightmare.  It was with Donna and me, and this morning the particulars are not clear.  She was not even here to discuss the dream let alone do anything that could, even irrationally, be the source. Even though it was about Donna, it wasn't about Donna.

I tried to think about what could have provoked the bad movie.  I bought a whole bunch of candy for Halloween and the kids did not come by in the droves I anticipated. Couldn't let the left over candy go to waste so I have had more than my share of chocolate over the past few days. Could be the chocolate.

I have been very good typically about my diet since the docs opened me up in August.  Not a piece of red meat since July 24th when I was told I was blocked up.  I did, however,  have bacon with my eggs at a diner yesterday morning.  Could be the bacon. Probably not the Almighty punishing me for eating trayfe.  But maybe. Bacon on shabbat no less.

I've been exercising regularly and taking my meds.  Cant be an excess of energy or a missed pill.

The last book I read was not one to cause nightmares and I am into a benign memoir right now which is not Psycho stuff.

I am in the throes of a battle with Blue Cross Blue Shield but if I had a nightmare every time some bureaucrat said they were "sorry for the inconvenience" when they themselves were the negligent source of the inconvenience,  I would not have slept much since Junior High.

So, not sure what brought it on.   And pretty sure that it was indeed an aberration and my next nightmare will come in 2029. Still, it has set me to thinking.

People regularly ask me how I am doing?  Since I feel almost completely healed now, I am sometimes surprised by the inquiry--as in, "why are they asking me, oh right".  I bought some suits in, not kidding, May or maybe early June.  Long story, but there was some back and forth with getting the alterations right, and I did not pick them up before the operation.  And I havent been back since. I did e-mail two months ago and explain to the salesperson what had happened, and also that I lost about ten pounds so the suits will have to be realtered.   He was fine about it. When I called on Friday to say I am ready to pick up the suits, he asked me how I was doing.  And for a minute I did not know what he was talking about.  When I relayed my saga with Blue Cross and Blue Shield to friends over dinner last night, they immediately told me not to get my ire up--and it took a second to get why they were concerned. Same thing with my brother.

I did not like having the nightmare. And do not like that I do not know why I had the nightmare besides having a bunch of mini Kit-Kats and Mounds bars, and a couple of pieces of bacon yesterday.