shabbat shalom 6-6

It's just about the time when I would call you.  Friday late afternoon. Just about to leave the office.  I call.

You: (a raspy) Hello
Me: Shabbat Shalom Dad.
You: Shabbat Shalom.
Me: How are you doing?
You: Okay. I'm doing Okay.

But you weren't.

Read a book that mom would have loved. And you would have liked it too.  There was one part in particular that would have resonated.  The main character, a widow, is walking along the beach. She sees a guy from the neighborhood lying on his side as if he has collapsed.  He says he is okay.  She asks what has happened.  He says, he lost his wife several months ago.  "Oh" she says, "You're in hell."  That is what it was like for you after mom died.  I think if you could have just hung on for a while there would have been some light at the end of that sad tunnel. But, as you used to say to me after you had made a point, "What the hell do I know."

I hear songs and think of you. There's a thing on the computer called Pandora. You write in a certain kind of music and the computer plays songs of that ilk.  So, I wrote in Phil Ochs, earlier today, and I am hearing protest music now.  Just heard a great song that you would have loved. I had heard it before but it's been years. "I'm Changing My Name to Chrysler" by Tom Paxton.  Played "Draft Dodger Rag" a while ago. I remember you singing it with Bobby and me at my fiftieth party.  You and mom are the only parents I knew who marched on Washington before their kids did.  You two were protestors. Such good people.  Morally without equal.

The Heat lost last night.  Baloney game.  Air conditioning went out in the AlamoDome, so they played in a shvitz.  James couldn't finish.  Cramped up. Duncan did his whining as usual.  Ginobli flopping like a flounder every time someone sneezed on him.  Still tough not to like Ginobli and Parker.  Next game is Sunday.  If they fix the air conditioner, LeBron will score 60 and Duncan can whine all the way to Miami for the next two games.

Got through the anniversary of mom's death alright. Yesterday was the anniversary of the funeral and I did not think about it. We'll be okay.  Shannon is about to pop. Any day now and another Zaremba.

At the post office there is a reminder poster that June 15th is Father's Day.  To compensate for the fact that nobody mails a letter anymore the post office is pushing holidays like Hallmark. They are even selling cards in the lobby.  Seeing that sign is like a pop to the gut every day when I go to check my mail.  Truth is that I don't need a father's day to know how lucky I was to have you as a father.

Shabbat Shalom, Dad.